All Clear

Nth visit to the hospital this afternoon.
Since Fall 2003, hospital appointment have been a recurring event in my diary.
Right ankle, left knee, neck, left knee again, right ankle again and finally right calf.
Surgery, x-rays- MRI, physio, more MRI, more physio, Ultrasound and finally re-surgery.
But now it's all over. Today was my last visit to the hospital. The knee pain is here to stay, the ankle will remain kind of stiff and with time the calf's swelling will go down and wont hurt as much.
The brand new second hand me has finally received the "all clear".
The last obstacle between me and Lomé (Togo) has been removed.
I've been thinking about going away, talking about it, but now I am going. The wheel is at last/already in motion.
Driving back from the hospital, I felt stunned and overwhelmed and quite sad. I could only think: That is it then. Up-rooting again, leaving well threaded streets and relationships behind. Getting ready to be alone and lonely again. Why? What for?
Not yet gone but already missing people, and places. A sinking feeling on a rainy day.
Physically "all-cleared" but mentally and emotionally still in need of treatment. Maybe until I have been and come back I will remain a patient of my inner psychic ward.
In a few weeks I will have given notice on my flat, sold my car, put my stuff in storage, and be on my way to Togo for anything between 6 months and a year, to do charity work.
That's big news... even/especially for me.